Hot Flashes, Hormones, and Holiness: The Midlife Body Crisis No One Preaches About

Elisha's Space: It's 2 47 in the morning. You're awake again, not because of a noise, not because of a worry that you can't mean, but because your body is on fire from the inside and your heart is racing and you cannot for the life of you figure out why you feel afraid, not anxious about anything specific, just afraid. Maybe It's not the middle of the night for you. Maybe it's the middle of worship service. You're standing there trying to connect with God and instead what you're experiencing is a wave of heat moving up through your chest, an irritability you cannot explain in this thought. This quiet, terrible thought that creeps in. What is wrong with me? I used to feel close to God. Why does everything feel so different? Nothing's wrong with you. But something is happening to you and your body, your hormones and your faith are more connected than anyone has ever told you. Today we're going to talk about all of it. Welcome to Elisha Space, a sanctuary for healing growth and for the kind of honest conversations that actually change things. I'm Elisha, your host. a counselor, an author, and someone who has sat in the same stuck places you have. If you're new here, welcome home. Find a comfortable seat and know that this conversation has been built with you in mind. And if you've been listening for a while, I see you and I'm so glad you're back. And before we go any further, just remember that today's episode is practical. clinical butt pastoral. Now, let's breathe together. one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly. ⁓ the weight of your own hands. ⁓ in through your nose for four counts. ⁓ Hold. And breathe out through your mouth for six counts. Slower ⁓ than the inhale. Again in through the nose, hold, out through the mouth, all the way out. Let your shoulders drop. Let your jaw unclench. Let your belly soften. You are here, you are safe in this conversation. It has been waiting for you. Let me tell you something that I see in my counseling office over and over again. A woman walks in, she's somewhere between 40 and 55. She's been faithful. She's been serving. She has raised children or cared for aging parents or poured herself into her career, her ministry, her community. She is by every external measure, a woman of God, and she is falling apart. She can't sleep through the night anymore. Her mood shifts so fast, she barely recognizes herself. She'll have a moment of absolute clarity and purpose. And then three hours later, she's sitting in her car in a parking lot crying and she doesn't even know why. She snapped at her husband last Tuesday over something that, and any other version of herself, wouldn't have registered at all. She used to look forward to prayer, but now she just sits down to pray and feels nothing. And when she comes into my office, one of the first things she says, not the last, but the first is this, I think something is spiritually wrong with me. She is praying more, she is reading more, she is wondering if she's carrying some unconfessed sin. that is finally catching up with her, some area of unhealed anger, some root of bitterness, some way that she has drifted from God. And I want to be careful here. I hold spiritual discernment with deep respect. We are integrated beings, spirit, soul, and body. Our spiritual life matters to our nervous system, and our nervous system matters to our spiritual life. But I also want to be very clear, for many of the women sitting across from me, the primary driver of what they are experiencing is not a spiritual deficiency, it's estrogen. So stay with me, because what I want to do today is give you the science that makes this make sense, and then the spiritual framework. That makes it safe. Let's talk about what is actually happening in the paramenopausal body and why it matters profoundly to how you pray, how you feel God, how you tolerate worship, and how you show up in your relationships. Paramenopause, the hormonal transition before menopause can begin as early as 35. Most commonly, it starts in a woman's early to mid forties, and it can last anywhere from four to 12 years. Let me say that again, 12 years. That is not a footnote in a woman's spiritual or emotional life. That is a significant season and it deserves a framework, not just a prescription. During perimenopause, the two hormones that have been central to your female biology, estrogen and progesterone, began what I call the great unsteadying. They don't simply decline, they fluctuate wildly, unpredictably. Estrogen can spike and crash in the same week, sometimes in the same day. And your nervous system, the system that regulates everything from your heartbeat to your capacity for emotional connection to your experience of God, is built to track those fluctuations. So when estrogen becomes erratic, your nervous system becomes erratic. Here is what most women, most doctors frankly, do not know. Estrogen is not only a reproductive hormone. Estrogen is a neuroactive steroid. It crosses the blood brain barrier. It has receptors throughout your entire central nervous system, and it directly modulates your vagus nerve. If you have been listening to this podcast, you know that the vagus nerve, the wandering nerve from the Latin vagus means to wander. It is the master regulator of your parasympathetic nervous system. It is the nerve that sends the signal, you are safe. You can rest, you can connect, you can be present. When estrogen drops, even temporarily, vagal tone drops with it. This means that your nervous system's capacity to self-regulate, to come down from a stress response, to move from the sympathetic branch, fight or flight, back to the... parasympathetic branch, rest and receive and be present. That capacity is diminished, not because you failed, because your faith is weak, because your neurochemistry is shifting. This isn't visualization, this is physiology. Let me go one layer deeper because I want you to understand this at the level where it actually becomes ⁓ Freeing. Estrogen also supports the production and function of serotonin, dopamine, and GABA. These are your primary mood stabilizing and calming neurotransmitters, the ones that make you feel settled at home in your own body, able to receive comfort, connection, and yes, spiritual experience. When estrogen levels become erratic, your serotonin regulation becomes erratic. Your GABA, the brain's primary braking system, the chemical that says, we do not need to panic right now, becomes less reliable. And progesterone, the hormone that has helped your nervous system feel safe and sleepy and calm for decades. It declines first before estrogen even begins to shift significantly. Progesterone is the natural GABA agonist. For those who may not recognize that term, It mimics the calming effect of anti-anxiety medication. It is your body's built-in sedative. It's built-in peace. So when women come to me saying, I can't sleep, I feel this low-grade dread, I can't attach to anything, my patience is gone and I don't know where it went. I want them to understand that their body is, in a very real sense, losing access to its own internal pharmacy, the pharmacy it has relied on for 30 plus years. This is not a moral failure. That is a biological transition. Many of the women I work with describe what I can only call a double crisis. There is the hormonal crisis, the physical symptoms, the mood disruption, the brain fog, the insomnia, but layered on top of that is the identity crisis, a spiritual identity crisis, because the women who get up on the other side of a hot flash or a sleepless night or an afternoon of inexplicable anxiety and ask, who am I now? That is a real question. That is a theological question. She has spent decades building her sense of self around her capacity, her productivity, her ability to show up for people, to manage the household, to lead in ministry, to be the strong one. Her faith has been expressed through doing and her identity has been held in part by her ability to do it. And now her body is interrupting all of that. The church by and large does not have language for this. We talk about suffering, we talk about perseverance, we talk about joy in the wilderness, but we do not talk about estrogen. We do not talk about the vagus nerve in relation to worship. We don't discuss what happens when a woman's neurochemistry ⁓ makes ⁓ it physiologically harder to peace. ⁓ And reads that as that God has moved. He hasn't moved, but her body has changed. And she needs a framework that honors both. So stay with me. In the second half of this episode, I want to give you that framework. We're going to talk about the three symptoms that paramenopausal women most consistently misread as spiritual failure. A theological refrain, I believe, is one of the most important conversations the church is not having, and a somatic practice. designed specifically for the paramenopausal nervous system that you can use today. If you found this episode because someone sent it to you, welcome. This space was built for you. Take a moment while you're here and subscribe or follow however you're listening. And if this is already your community, share this one. Text it to one woman you know who is walking through midlife and wondering why her body doesn't feel like her own anymore. Let's do it. Let me name three symptoms I see most often misread, spiritually, emotionally, and even clinically in the paramedicopalsal woman. Number one, the anxiety that seems to come from nowhere. Women describe it as a dread that cannot attach to anything specific and unease that follows them into prayer, into sleep, into the morning devotional, it makes them wonder, is God trying to warn me? Is something in my life spiritually misaligned? And sometimes, sometimes, the answer is yes, spiritual discernment is real. But when anxiety is accompanied by physical symptoms, the racing heart, the heat, the sleep disruption. We need to ask a different question. Is this a warning from the spirit or is this my estrogen depleted nervous system struggling to return to baseline after a normal stress response? The diagnostic question I ask, does the anxiety track with your cycle? Does it intensify in the second half of your month? Does it spike around your period? or in the weeks before it. If there is a hormonal pattern underneath the emotional experience, that is clinically significant information. Knowledge isn't just power for women in midlife, knowledge is safety. Number two, the rage that doesn't fit the situation, the snapping, disproportionate anger at a small inconvenience. the explosion that happens and then sometimes immediate after the shame spiral. What is wrong with me? I am not this person. My family, it just deserves better. Progesterone in its role as a GABA agonist has a neutral tempering effect on our emotional reactivity. When it withdraws, and it withdraws unpredictably in perimenopause. What we're left with is a nervous system with less internal buffering. Think of it like losing shock absorbers. The rogue doesn't have to be worse, but the right feels everything. This is not a character deficiency. This is a neurological reality. And the response is not only repentance, though where it is warranted, ⁓ has its in every season. The response is somatic regulation, hormonal awareness, ⁓ and compassionate alongside the spiritual work. Number three, the spiritual flatness. This one breaks my heart the most. Women who have had a rich, ⁓ embodied prayer life, who have experienced the presence of God as tangible warmth, as peace, that genuinely passed understanding, who now sit in prayer and feel nothing, absolute silence on the inside. And because the church has not given her language for this, she concludes, I have drifted, my faith has gone lukewarm. I am not as close to him as I once was. But here is what I want you to hear. Estrogen has direct effects on the brain regions associated with emotional processing and felt connection. limbic system, the anterior ⁓ cortex, the parts of your brain that help you feel bonded, ⁓ present to an experience When estrogen shifts, the felt experience of faith can shift. Not the reality of God's presence, not the covenant, not his faithfulness, the felt experience. His peace is not dependent on your circumstances being resolved. It is a regulated nervous system in the presence of a safe God. And right now, your nervous system needs support, not condemnation. I want to speak carefully to something that I believe is deeply important for women of faith in this season. There is a theology of suffering in the church that can, if we are not careful, become a theology of self abandonment, push through, die to self, don't trust your emotions, your body is flesh, it is the enemy of the spirit. I hold this tradition with genuine respect. There is profound truth in the call to surrender, to take up the cross, to not be conformed to the pattern of this world. But I do not believe scripture calls us to be strangers in our own bodies. Paul, writing to the Corinthians, calls the body the temple of the Holy Spirit, not a vessel to be overwritten, not a problem to be managed through gritted teeth, a temple, a dwelling place. something to be tended. And in Psalms 139, David writes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That Hebrew word for fearfully, yara, carries the connotation of awe, of reverence. Your body, including its hormones, including its transitions, including this very season that feels like disruption, is a work of awe. What if paramenopause is not the body betraying the spirit? What if it is the body in the language of biology, inviting the spirit into a new kind of conversation? I want to offer a reframe I have shared many times in my counseling office, and I have seen it bring genuine relief ⁓ to women ⁓ who have been walking in shame about their midlife experience. The perimenopausal body is not broken. It is changing. And change in the kingdom is never outside God's sovereignty. The season you are in is asking something of you that previous seasons did not. It is asking you to move from a faith fueled by hormonal capacity and high performance. And I say that without judgment because that season had its own beauty. Into a faith that is grounded, embodied still, a faith that does not depend on feeling God, to trust God. The mystics called this aridity, the dark night of the soul, and many of them discovered it in midlife. You are in very good company. Before we move into prayer, I want to give you something that you can use today, right now, if you need it. This is what I call the holy ground pause. It is grounded in the window of tolerance framework and somatic regulation research adapted specifically for the paramenopausal nervous system. When you feel the wave coming, the heat, the anxiety, the irritability, the flatness. I want you to try this. Step one, name it to tame it. Out loud or in your own mind say, my nervous system is activated. This is physiological response. I am not in danger. That sentence alone, naming what is happening, engages your prefrontal cortex, the brain's regulating center. It begins to interrupt the alarm signal. Is there tension in your chest right now? in your shoulders, in your jaw. Notice it, name it, don't fight it. Step two, find your ground. Press your feet onto the floor. Press your back into the chair or the wall, whatever is behind you. Find the resistance, find the earth holding you. The earth is the Lord's and everything in it. You are on holy ground. Step three, extended exhale. This is the most evidence-based tool I know for down regulating the sympathetic nervous system. The extended exhale, longer than the inhale, directly activates vagal tone. Breathe in through your nose for four counts. And breathe out through your mouth for eight counts, twice as long as you did the inhale, all the way out. Again, in through the nose. through the mouth eight counts let your belly empty. One more. all the way out. Step four, a breath prayer. As you exhale release these words out loud or silently. You are near. This is not visualization. This is not trying to conjure a feeling that paramenopause has made it harder to access. This is a declarative act of fate. He is near to the brokenhearted. He is near to the woman whose body feels unfamiliar. He is near to the one in the parking lot crying for reasons she cannot name. He is near. Let me pray over you before we close. Father, I am grateful that you made these bodies that you knit together the very nervous systems that we are learning to regulate. I thank you that you are not surprised by this season, that the fluctuating estrogen, the disrupted sleep, the unnamed anxiety, none of it is outside your awareness. None of it is outside your care. I ask that you meet every woman listening right now at this exact intersection of her biology and her faith, at the place where she has wondered if you have moved. Remind her you didn't move. Her nervous system shifted and you are still there. I ask for wisdom for the woman who needs clinical support, who needs to speak with a doctor or a practitioner about their hormonal health. Let them pursue that care without shame, knowing that tending the temple is an act of worship. I ask for language, for the church, for her community to speak to this experience with the pastoral depth that you have already placed throughout Scripture. And I thank you that your piece is not dependent on circumstances being resolved. and that they would know that your peace is met with an unregulated nervous system in the presence of a safe God. I pray that that peace would settle into their body today, not as a feeling like they have to earn something, but just as a gift that she can receive. In the name of Jesus, Amen. Before I release you, your challenge for this week, one thing, just one, track your nervous system alongside your cycle. If you are still cycling, even irregularly, note the week you're in and rate your anxiety, your sleep quality, and your emotional regulation on a simple scale of one to 10. If you are no longer cycling regularly, track the time of day and the physical sensations that tend to accompany your most dysregulated moments. You are not trying to diagnose yourself. You are trying to witness yourself to become curious instead of judgmental about your own experience. Knowledge is safety and you deserve to understand your own body. If you want a structured framework for that, for building somatic safety and nervous system regulation into your daily rhythm, my start guide is a free resource. I'll put the link in the show notes. And this episode is part of a series. If this conversation landed for you, there is more coming. The next episode in the Midlife Body Crisis series will go deeper into the hormonal spiritual cascade and what a regulated faith actually looks like in the body, not just in the mind. Subscribe so you don't miss it. Until next time, you are not too much, you are not too far, and you are not alone. This is Elisha's Space.